Delightfully Naughty

Alexa, delete my belly.
~ Unknown

I have decided with a peaceful spirit, loving heart, and clear mind that some people can still kiss my ass.
~ Maria Singer

I go from metal to pop to country to rap – I'm polyjamorous!
~ Beth Young

Do you ever get to the end of the week and think: What the fuck was that?!
~ Unknown

We need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in.
~ Desmond Tutu

And here we fucking go again! … I mean good morning.
~ Unknown

I'm mature, but not like mature-mature. Like I pay my own bills, but I still say 'righty tighty lefty loosey' to figure stuff out!
~ Unknown

People: you can't be spiritual and use swear words. Me: Bitch, I'm spiritual as fuck!
~ Unknown

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
~ Thomas Byrne

Fuck being nice. Try being a decent human and then I'll be nice.
~ Unknown

TinkerBell finds out she has a cousin, TacoBell.
~ Unknown

Feeling idgaf-ish today!
~ Unknown

Out of all the lies I've told, 'Just kidding!' is my favorite.
~ Wititudes

'Don't take it personally' … how the fuck would you like me to take it? Professionally? Romantically? Academically?
~ Unknown

When you meet me, you think I'm quiet. When you talk to me, you wish I was quiet. When you know me, you get scared when I'm quiet.
~ Unknown

He gently slid her panties to one side … so the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer.
~ Sajjan Purush

If stupid could fly, you'd be a jet.
~ Unknown

Two minutes at work and I'm like 'what in the bibbity bobbity holy fuckballs is this shit?'
~ The Fuckit List

Revenge "sounds" so mean, that is why I prefer to call it "returning the favor."
~ Unknown

A large group of humans is called a Fuck That!
~ Tipsy Dog

When someone says my behavior isn't ladylike … Wanna see me do it again?
~ Unknown

I'm doing a lot of finding out for very little fucking around, actually. Would love to fuck around more and find out less!
~ Trash Jones

Forget sugar and spice, I'm full of sarcasm and profanity.
~ Unknown

May this year be more FUCK YEAH then fuck this.
~ Unknown

Let's normalize NOT calling people crazy when they react to disrespect.
~ Unknown

HOME … where the HO & ME come together.
~ Unknown

Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing. So I'm probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
~ Unknown

Don't be afraid of your inner bitch: There are moments when you need her wisdom and bravery.
~ Unknown

I was born to be wild – but only until about 8:30-ish, maybe 9pm tops!
~ Unknown

Asked this person to spell orange … they said, 'the fruit or the color' … wait, wtf?!
~ Unknown

Being grown up means we can have our own way – at our own expense.
~ Hal Rogers

If you're going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart, otherwise, you're just an ass.
~ Unknown

I don't curse. I speak fluent trucker with a sailor dialect and a construction accent.
~ Unknown

When someone asks me what day of the week it is: I don't know shit about fuck.
~ Unknown

Not fragile like a flower – fragile like a bomb!
~ Frida Kahlo

At this point in my life, I'm just trying to filter out the dumb fuckery.
~ Unknown

What's the dumbest thing you did as a kid? Wished I was an adult!
~ Unknown

A tisket, a tasket … there's no fucks in this basket.
~ Unknown

Physically I'm here, mentally I'm somewhere over the rainbow.
~ The Lovable Moon Witch

She isn't the sunrise, she's the fucking sun.
~ A.R. Asher

I really think it's time to take the warning labels off of everything and let stupidity work itself out of the gene pool.
~ Unknown

I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour!
~ Alexandria Lang

The adult version of 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' is 'wallet, glasses, keys and phone.'
~ Unknown

I don't understand your specific kind of stupid. But I do admire your total commitment to it.
~ Darynda Jones

The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math!
~ Unknown

I'm a polite bitch. I'll say excuse me and shut the fuck up in the same sentence.
~ Bitchy Quotes 101

Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power!
~ Unknown

Youth looks ahead, old age looks back and middle age looks fucking tired.
~ Unknown

Just wing it … Life … Eyeliner … Everything!
~ Sassy Quotes for Girls

You just have to take it one "are you fucking kidding me" at a time.
~ Unknown